I’ve spent some time over the last week recording a video walkthrough for Portal 2 (coming shortly), which gave me plenty of opportunity to relive the game’s numerous great jokes, of which I’ve listed my favorite ten below. (Eleven, actually, but it’s my blog. Sue me). Technically, none of these spoil the plot, although you should really experience them in-game first.
From a larger viewpoint, I found it interesting that IÂ had to whittle this list down from about thirty or forty quotes, which is almost unheard of for a videogame. Some of the jokes are just well-written, others are sold by the actors’ delivery, but if you don’t find yourself smiling most of the way, it may be time to remove the stick from your butt. Kudos to Chet and the rest of the writing team for one of the funniest games in recent memory.
Wheatley: Don’t worry, I’m absolutely guaranteeing you, one hundred percent, that it’s this way. OK, it’s not this way.
Enrichment Center Announcement: This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through ports. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, god help you.
GlaDOS: You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me, or put me in a potato, or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life. And then you showed up, you dangerous, mute lunatic.
Wheatley: You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don’t even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don’t you think about that before you break any more of them?
Phone: The parents you are trying to reach, do not love you. Please hang up.
Wheatley: Maybe your prejudiced work site should have accommodated a nanobot of my size! Thanks for the hate crime, Jerry, see you in court!
Cave Johnson: Those of you who volunteered to be injected with preying mantis DNA, I’ve got some good news and bad news. The bad news is we’re postponing those tests indefinitely. The good news is, we’ve got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You’ll know when the test starts.
GlaDOS: Here come the test results: “You are a horrible person.†That’s what it says. “A horrible person.†We weren’t even testing for that.
Power Core: SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
Cave Johnson: Do you know who I am? I’m the man going to BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS!
Wheatley: It just goes to show, people with brain damage… are the real heroes.
Great list, and WOW! what a game.
I would have added, “Moriarty versus Holmes, Aristotle versus MASHY-SPIKE-PLATE!!”