The Xbox Banned Forum is the Greatest Thing EVER

THIS WEEK, Microsoft rolled out a system update for the X360, and along with it, a fresh wave of bans for cheaters and hackers. As a result, the Xbox Live forums have been flooded with players asking “WHY WUZ I BANNED?!!”

The results are simultaneously hilarious and depressing: hilarious because you get to watch impossibly dumb people get smacked down by XBL moderators; depressing because, well, these kids walk among us. They’re not fictional, they exist and share our world. Sobering.

Some awesome examples:

>> My gamertag is The Pro Mods. Why was I permanently profile banned exactly? I want my $50 dollars worth of xbox live gold back like really! I did not put a year on there to waste it and put my money down the drain and just give xbox $50 for free. I have three xbox360’s, and then this happens.

>> Well, Pro Mods/Pro Modds, you modded your gamerscore. Twice. So you were issued a permanent suspension in accordance with the Terms of Use.

Gee, what could it possibly be! I can’t figure it out!

Account suspended forever for 1st suspension???

>> can anyone help me here… i got banned on my account “tebag101” and i cant seem to figure out why it is suspended forever. it is my first ban… please help me out with this… if there is anything that i can do to get my account unban. i will pay money to get my account unban. just please help me…. i have played to mutch on that account to just lose everthing like that…. i cant even have a my downloaded games/content that “i” bought with “MY” money.

>> This account was permanently suspended for advertising the sale of modified lobbies in exchange for Microsoft Points in your profile, as well as touteingthat you had access to modified hardware to host said lobbies. As the use of modified hardware on Xbox LIVE and the sale of services are considered gross violations of the Code of Conduct and Terms of Use, we made the decision to terminated your account’s access to the service.

Your name is Tebag? Really? You admit that in public? I’d ban you just for being that dumb.


>> why has KiDx BooM x been banned plz unbann i havent done any thing wrong and my bio is a fake its a lie i only put it because i whanted to show off i dont ave a jtag

>> For trying to show that you did not have a JTAG console, you certainly seemed to make the impression that you did. Not only did you advertaise the fact that you had modified system hardware, you claimed to be able to provide users with modification services in exchange for Microsoft Points or in-game currency. As the use of these modifications on Xbox LIVE and the sale of services are both dire breaches of the Code of Conduct and Terms of Use, we made the decision to permanently suspend the account. We apologize for any frustration this has caused, but thank you for your cooperation in this matter as the suspension will stand as issued.

It’s like a 6-year-old with icing all over his face, telling his mom he didn’t eat the cake.

Account Banned. Wow….

>> Okay. My first account T0XiiC IVIAG1CZ got banned. I understand why that account got banned. I can hack. I gave it a modded avatar. But then I made another account. This one. xiii Epic iiix. Just a week ago this one also got banned. I got an email saying it was banned for my bio. My bio said “R.I.P. T0XiiC IVIAG1CZ” I do not see what is wrong with that. It explains in the email Microsoft sends everyone that gets banned that they have the right to make a new account. Is there something wrong with putting your old account in your bio?

And also, if you are wondering how I am using an account that is banned, well, that is something I will leave you Microsoft to figure out.

>> You are, indeed, allowed to put the name of your old account in your profile, providing the name was itself not a violation of the Code of Conduct. However, what we had issue with was after that content, wherein the profile of the account xiii Epic iiix contained an advertisment for modifications that would unlock everything in Modern Warfare 2 in exchange for Microsoft Points or Gold Membership time. As it is now rather well documented that the use of modifications and the sale of services are both gross breaches of the Code of Conduct and Terms of Use, we made the decision to permanently suspend the account as per the aforementioned documents.

As for your use of on a permanently suspended account, we are aware of the issue.

Stupid AND arrogant. This will get you far in life.

It’s interesting how many of these complaints fall in the category of “my 10 year old was …”. Almost every one of these bans seems related to playing some Call of Duty game — all M-rated — on Xbox Live. If you’re letting your 10 year old kid play those games on XBL unsupervised, with all manner of trolls hanging around, you should stop complaining to Microsoft and thank them for taking the account  away, because they’re doing a better job of parenting your kids than you are.

For more of these, check the Xbox banned forums, or to catch up on some past gems.