Blizzcon 2010: Q&A Comedy

If you’ve ever been to Blizzcon — and you’re not a crazy person — you know there’s an endless amount of comedy to be found in the Q&As that follow most panels. You know how most people have an inner mechanism that makes them think twice before saying something in front of 2000 people? The folks who rush to the front of the line are unburdened by such trivialities. They just let it fly, common sense be damned.

There might not have been a better example of this than the guy who asked the first question at the WoW Lore and Quests panel Friday. With equal parts snark and exasperation, he asked designers Alex Afrasiabi and Chris Metzen when, oh when, casters might get another legendary weapon. The question elicited some cheers, because legendaries are cool and everyone would like one.

Metzen, no amateur at this, turned the question around. “Well, what would you like?” The simplicity of the question went over the kid’s head, because he clearly hadn’t given it that much thought. He was just there with an axe to grind. The kid hemmed and hawed for a few seconds, muttering something about how casters didn’t get anything cool in the last expansion.  Metzen answered again, this time leaving no room for ambiguity. “I’m asking: What. Would. Make. You. Happy?“ 

Finally, it dawned on the kid what he was being asked: What can we do to stop your bitching? The kid struggled for a few more seconds before finally mumbling something about a staff being cool.  Afrasiabi slammed his hands on the table. “A staff! Done!,” he exclaimed, to the laughter of the crowd, signaling it was time for the whiny chump to move on.

This barely scratches of the surface of the goofiness you get in the Q&A. Some people are super aggressive and just want to tell the developers They’re Doing It Wrong. There are 17-part monologues that don’t really have questions. People ask what happened to NPC #28719 who appeared in a dungeon four years ago, or are upset that guards don’t go nuts when they pull their voidwalker pet out in a major city. Some guy is mad that some weird bug no one’s heard of hasn’t been fixed yet. There’s the guy who wants to spend 60 seconds thanking Blizzard for their hard work , which is cool, but often drags on too long. Or it’s the dude who gets in line for every Q&A just so he call call the expansion “the ‘clysm.”  Usually it’s a combination of all of the above, and more.

But I think the worst of the bunch is the shout-out. “Hi, my character is Lightweaver on Bladefist, and I’m the raid leader of <Neckbeard>, and I’ve been playing a druid since launch” …and then they hold for applause that never comes.  NO ONE CARES. These people have paid hundreds, maybe over a thousand dollars to come to Blizzcon and hear the devs talk for a very brief window of time. No wants to hear your fricking biography. In fact, when I see someone say they’re from my server and they’re recruiting, it only makes me want to run in the other direction. Ask your question, and keep the line moving, dude. 

The tragedy is that a lot of people have asked really good questions. Since gear is so much easier to get, are there plans to offer customization options so everyone doesn’t end up looking the same? What are the plans for the rogue combat tree, which feels particularly low since the 4.0.1 patch? Are there plans to tweak BRD since it really can’t be split into wings? Can we get a fricking closet to store all these holiday items that are sucking up bank space? The first-come-first-serve nature of the Q&As means that these good questions get lost among a sea of dumbass hunters who think Blizzard is the reason they suck at their class.

I have a solution to all of this. A guy in a Murloc costume with a hook. Do it, Blizzard.